How to Plan a Small, Intimate Wedding: A Guide to 20-35 Guest Weddings
More and more I am seeing beautiful, intentional weddings of 20-35 guests that feel just as meaningful and celebratory as large weddings. They are intimate and tender reminders of what a wedding is all about - spending time with the people you love most. And nowadays with the endless social media comparison games, wedding trends, and overwhelming Pinterest inspiration, I feel that simplicity is the key to planning a wedding that is authentic to you. A small wedding is an opportunity to celebrate with your people without all the logistical challenges and social expectations of a larger, traditional wedding.
So here is some advice from a wedding photographer (and someone who also navigated planning their own wedding) on how to structure your day to create a memorable guest experience while skipping the traditions that don't make sense for you.
But first: Is a small wedding right for you?
In the early stages of the planning process you may be wondering whether you want to go the small, intimate wedding route or plan for a bigger guest count. Both options are totally valid and the answer to this question will likely reflect your priorities. A few questions to ask yourselves:
Would we rather have ‘everyone’ in attendance, but perhaps not spend much meaningful time with them, or have only close friends and family but get to share more of the day with them?
Are we willing to make a small guest list that we can live with, even if it involves some hard decisions around who should be invited?
Will a large group make us feel uncomfortable, or will we feel awkward if it is too small?
Are we prioritizing simplicity for the day-of so we don’t feel like our wedding is overly produced? (*one of the magical things about a small wedding is that by it’s very nature it often leads to much simpler day-of experiences.)
Would we rather spend more on the experience for fewer people? While a smaller guest count doesn’t necessarily mean spending less, it can give you more flexibility to invest in things that matter to you.
What do we want our wedding to feel like? An intimate dinner party? A house party with a wedding ceremony in the mix? A gathering of old friends? The number of people will greatly impact how you feel your day.
What (and who) do we want to remember from our wedding 5, 10, 25 years from now?
These reflections will help you think more about your hopes, big picture.
Second: Decide what a small wedding means to you
A small wedding can mean a lot of things. From an elopement with less than 10 people, to a micro wedding of less than 50. There’s no one definition of any of these terms. Small weddings are also not synonymous with casual or cheap.
Deciding how you want to feel and experience your wedding can help refine who is involved and what your wedding looks like. You get to decide what a small wedding means to you. And regardless of your reasoning for going this route, there are many ways to make a small wedding meaningful. So here are some practical tips for structuring & planning your day!
How to rethink the ‘traditional’ wedding format
I get it - if you only have 20 guests what are you supposed to do all day? And maybe the traditional, bigger 150 person wedding activities just don’t make sense with 20 people. I’m here to tell you there is no rulebook for planning a wedding - big or small. Either way, you get to decide your and the guests experiences. When it comes to smaller, intimate micro weddings here are a few general ideas to help you structure your day.
Sample small wedding timelines
Intimate dinner party
Ceremony → cocktails → long-table dinner → toasts → dessert → conversation
Morning/midday outdoor wedding
Coffee/pastries → ceremony → enjoying time in nature (swim, hike, playing games) → lunch & dessert
Weekend wedding
Day before adventure close by (swim, hike) → wedding day ceremony & meal → post-wedding day brunch
These are structures I’ve seen work well - but again, you have the power to rewrite the whole script of what a wedding can be. Ultimately, you get to design your own day or weekend around what you value most. And there’s a lot of positives to not over-scheduling. With a smaller wedding, you beauty is that you don’t need to fill every minute. You can be present, while leaving room for things to happen naturally.
Wedding venue recommendations for 35 or less guests
In general, here are a few things to look for when selecting a venue:
Spaces appropriately sized for your guest count
A beautiful setting that doesn't require tons of decoration
Excellent food or flexible catering where you can bring in (or cook) your own food
A private or semi-private dining space
Comfortable places for guests to gather
Minimal need for rentals
A setting with things to do nearby
Here are a few types of venues I’ve found work really well with a smaller guest wedding:
Boutique hotels
An experience (like a schooner boat ride, or day at the lake)
Restaurants
Private residence, your own home/backyard, or an AirBNB
Nature centers or state parks
Museums or art galleries
So, now here are some specific venues…
Maine small wedding venues for 20-35 guests
Blind Tiger, Portland
The Blind Tiger is great if you have visitors from away who may also want a place to stay during the wedding. You can book out the entire inn and then make use of the dining room and living areas for an intimate dinner. The back garden is also a sweet addition in the city for a small ceremony or portraits.
Seguin Tree Dwellings, Georgetown
These treehouses will change your view of the treehouses you grew up with. They are incredible unique spaces immersed in nature. There are different structures you can rent, including a gathering space for hosting. Georgetown is also very close to Reid State Park if you’re considering a beach ceremony or trip, as well as plenty of Midcoast Maine hiking trails.
Merryspring Nature Center, Camden
The gardens at Merryspring are simply beautiful! There’s a large grassy lawn surrounded by flowers that make for a stunning ceremony site without the need for any decor. There’s an area to set up long tables for dinner, and you can hire your favorite catering company to even cook on site.
Wanderwood, Nobleboro
Wanderwood is a sweet organic farm in a beautiful place in the Midcoast. There’s a simple outdoor ceremony site and barn, and even a pond you can swim in! Wanderwood is great for those who are hoping for more built-in vendors/services and larger indoor spaces for guests to wander and explore.
Reid State Park, Georgetown
Reid is another hidden gem of the Midcoast. This is actually where Matt and I got married, and I’ve since photographed weddings at the same site. You can rent the group shelter site and have access to a beautiful beach with a stunning view of the rocky coast. Set up your own tables, or use the picnic tables under the shelter. Bring in food trucks (or even an ice cream truck…), or cater a meal for your guests. It’s an incredible place to show off the beauty of Maine and have a bit of a beach day together.
If you are interested in planning a Maine state park wedding check out this blog post here with even more resources.
Ballast, Portland
Ballast is a beautiful space in Portland for an intimate dinner party. I love the views of Old Port and the fact that its a bit of a blank canvas when it comes to making your small wedding vision a reality.
Garden Gate at Haley Farm, Sebago
Garden Gate is a barn venue in southern Maine on a stunning flower farm. The wooded ceremony site is beautiful and doesn’t require any additional decor. This venue is also suitable for larger weddings, but they have a micro wedding package that is great for creating a unique experience for up to 30 guests.
Sweet Peas, Bar Harbor
If you are looking to get a little further up the Maine coast, Sweet Peas is a gem in Bar Harbor. You can bring your guests to the gateway of Acadia National Park for great day trip experiences. Sweet Peas itself has a really beautiful ceremony site overlooking a pond, and the outdoor dining experience (farm to table!) is just delicious!
Gilsland Farm Audubon, Falmouth
I love Gilsland Farm as a hiker, bird lover, and photographer. For weddings, you can have an intimate ceremony beyond the nature center overlooking the orchard and woodlands. You can even set up a tent or have an intimate dinner outdoors. With access to lots of hiking trails through fields and forests, it’s such a special place in southern Maine.
The Cove House, Kennebunkport
If you’re hoping for a backyard wedding, but maybe don’t have access to your own backyard an AirBNB is a great venue option to explore. I really like this one in particular because of the large backyard for a sweet ceremony, outdoor dinner, and fire to end the night. Plus, there’s a second cabin great for multiple guests getting ready. If you want quality time with your friends and family over a long weekend, or even full week, renting a house can be a really great option.
What is worth the investment (aka: where to spend your money)
A small wedding gives you permission to keep the traditions you love and leave the rest behind. In doing so, you get to decide where to put your money. In some ways you may be able to save on decor, a large venue, and the food - but then prioritize the experience of yourself and your guests. Along with the shifts in financial investments, with a smaller guest count you also get to spend more time with each of your guests.
I'd suggest writing a list of all the possible expenses and discussing them together to prioritize.
How to make a small wedding meaningful
When Matt and I were planning our intimate, non-traditional wedding we were looking for ways to connect with our guests and infuse meaning into the day. We wanted to keep it simple, while also making it feel a little extra special.
Make the meal an event
I’ve often heard couples planning small weddings wonder what their guests are going to do. As you really start deconstructing what a wedding means to you and getting rid of anything that doesn’t resonate, I can definitely understand this concern. But I can assure you that a wedding goes by fast. You (and your guests) will likely not have time to be bored. And having that ease in your day allows you to actually be present and slow down long enough to have good conversation and connection.
So if food is important to you, making the meal THE event could make sense. There’s no pressure to overcomplicate or produce your favorite people gathering around a good meal. You can consider cooking together in a family-style dinner, having multiple rounds or courses of food, and bringing in a late-night snack or desserts.
Use your wedding as an opportunity to showcase your values
In planning a small wedding you get to decide what you want to bring in. What values do you uphold? And how can the wedding align with those? And what does that look like for how the wedding experience feels to you and your guests?
Here are some questions and thoughts to consider:
Are there ways to introduce our values into the ceremony? Perhaps individual readings, speeches, or songs that our loved ones can share?
How do we want our guests to connect? Maybe we can encourage conversation through ice breakers or points of connection. Note: I had a couple put out these cards and encourage guests to talk more deeply with each other through the prompts.
How can we put a spin on more traditional aspects of a wedding to make it ours? For example, I once had a couple do a sing a first song together in lieu of any dancing.
Create a personal touch for each guest
One of the biggest advantages of a smaller wedding is being able to spend quality time with each of your guests. And that can be in more time spent talking with them one on one, but it can also be in the thoughtful touches before the wedding day - like handwritten invitations.
Here are a few ways I’ve witnessed couples add meaning for their guests at smaller weddings:
handwritten notes and postcards
thank-you letters with a photograph of them from the wedding
a thoughtfully selected individual gift (like a thrifted book or handmade mug)
Some final thoughts…
I say all of the above as a photographer who has seen a lot as well as someone who has planned a pretty non-conventional wedding. At the end of the day, I want to give you permission to make your wedding completely your own. You may have your own reasons for wanting a small wedding, and I hope you can uphold those values throughout the entirety of the planning process. There is no rulebook for a small wedding. But my hope for you is that frees you to make the day (or weekend) your own.
And if more traditional wedding photography just doesn’t resonate with you either, I’d love to hear from you. You can read more about my wedding offerings for photography here. Tell me your ideas, hopes, and dreams for your wedding day and just maybe we’d make a great fit!